Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Food Addiction

Is it real?

I think that food addiction is very real. Whether it is physical or emotional, or mental, or whatever- it doesn't make a difference. Food is addictive. It is delicious. It is a blessing and a curse.

I haven't been writing because I'm so ashamed that I can't go 100% raw. I have tried over and over again for the past two years. Every time, I say to myself, "This is IT!!! I am FINALLY, REALLY going to be 100% raw and I won't take no for an answer!" Then, less than 48 hours later, I'm stuffing my face with refried beans, crackers, anything I can find. You name it, I eat it. Well, mostly.

But the tricky part is, Why? My heart is set on going 100% raw. I have read books, visited websites, taken classes, talked with people. When I eat raw, I feel great! I drop weight like nobody's business. I can breathe through my nose, my headaches go away, I feel beautiful and I don't hate myself. So, why is it that every time I try to go raw, I ruin it within a couple of days? The longest I've ever lasted is three weeks. And I can say that during those three weeks I felt better than ever. So why did I give it up? Why do I keep giving it up, for a couple of bites of dead, dry, salty comfort food? I've eaten all these things before. I know they are delicious, and bad for me. What I have not experienced, however, is continued self-love, respect, great health, and non-puffiness. I want to feel great so badly!

Today I made a plan. Yesterday I cleansed by only drinking green smoothies. I wasn't hungry, I didn't have any big cravings, and I woke up with a ton of energy. At work today I only had green smoothies. When I came home, my plan was to have a cup of miso and some kale salad. But as soon as I ate the miso soup, I think something clicked in my brain. If miso is okay, then hummus must be okay. They're both made of chickpeas, right? Then, I ate some refried beans. Because if hummus is okay, then refried beans must be okay, because chickpeas and pinto beans really aren't that different. Then after that I sampled chick patties, soy cheese and crackers, more beans, more hummus. Now I have a headache, I can't see very well, and I feel full and fat. I hate feeling full.

So, I have to figure out how NOT to flick that switch. It's just so difficult to do the right thing, all the time! And so much easier not to. But I think that in terms of feeling good, doing the right thing all the time needs to be a priority. I just have to figure out how to get there.

Food addiction is real. And it sucks. But if other people before me have overcome any type of addiction, then I can too, right?

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Still Life With Seaweed

Beauty still exists in the dead of winter.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010


Holy crapper, things are going badly.

I think that I am absolutely addicted to food as a means to make me feel better. But the problem is, it doesn't. Or, if it does, the reward is so fleeting, only to be replaced with remorse for eating something that will make me feel worse in the long run.

I was doing really, really well for a couple of weeks. Seems like I haven't been able to go more than two to three weeks raw without having some kind of "situation" where food is necessary to cover up my feelings. So, I'm eating whatever I want because I feel like crap, and it's terrible because it's making me feel like more crap! I really want to be raw because I know that it makes me feel good, and it addresses all my nutritional needs, and will eventually get rid of all my health problems. BUT. Why can't I do it? I have to start over again! And I don't think I can do a "transition" diet, because even if I eat a little bit cooked, then everything is okay to eat, and I end up not eating anything raw and only want to eat salty, fatty, starchy food. Like chips and popcorn.

Ugh. I'll start again tomorrow. Everything will work out, eventually.

If anyone reads this, here is a question: How do you avoid junk food when you feel like you want it? When you KNOW it is the wrong decision? What are some tips to stay raw when it is inconvenient to do so? Thanks :)

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Orange Dreamsicle Smoothie

This smoothie is so delicious, it's kind of like drinking candy. Candy that tastes like fruit.

3 small bananas, peeled
3 tangerines, peeled and seeded
1 mango, peeled and stoned
1 cup frozen peaches
ice cubes

Place all of the ingredients in a high-speed blender with enough water to cover most of the fruit. Blend until creamy. Add water if you'd like it thinner. Makes a blenderful!

Monday, January 4, 2010

Untitled No. 4

I'm very cold. And sick of the snow. Today is Day 4 of my new "raw-ness" which has been going okay... I've really, really been wanting to EAT something. I've been trying really hard not to eat plain tofu. I don't know why but that's really what I want. But I haven't succumbed, yet. Yesterday I did have some cooked beet-apple soup that my mom made, it was so good and I was chilly! I feel kind of bad, but I am not going to dwell on it because that is pointless. I don't think that cooked beet soup is that harmful. I made a raw version of this soup, which is my favorite, and I will post it on here soon. I love beets.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Number Two

This isn't going to be fancy. I'm not that good at making things look beautiful on the internet, but I suppose I will get the hang of it if I keep this up.

Yesterday I was 100% raw! I feel SO much better already. Over Christmas break I was eating all the things I haven't been eating recently- wheat, other grains, and even a bit of cheese! I always go to Christmas parties saying I'll eat what the host offers so I don't make them feel bad- I have decided this is ridiculous. Who suffers the consequences (or reaps the rewards) of what I eat besides me? NOBODY. So I have to stick to what I know is best for my body.

Yesterday I had an apple, a giant kale salad, and a giant spinach salad. Both with Dr. Cousen's Caesar salad dressing. I'll have to post the recipe for that, it is SO good. And I love kale.

When I'm eating cooked food I eat for fun, or boredom. I just shovel food in, and am never satisfied. But after some piles of delicious kale, I don't want to eat anymore. Yesterday, instead of eating all day, I finished typing a 209 page book! YES. And my face is less puffy already.

Let's see how today goes. I've had an apple and some green/mint tea so far. Recipe for SUCCESS!

Friday, January 1, 2010

First day, again-again.

Let's hope this time's a winner!