Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Food Addiction

Is it real?

I think that food addiction is very real. Whether it is physical or emotional, or mental, or whatever- it doesn't make a difference. Food is addictive. It is delicious. It is a blessing and a curse.

I haven't been writing because I'm so ashamed that I can't go 100% raw. I have tried over and over again for the past two years. Every time, I say to myself, "This is IT!!! I am FINALLY, REALLY going to be 100% raw and I won't take no for an answer!" Then, less than 48 hours later, I'm stuffing my face with refried beans, crackers, anything I can find. You name it, I eat it. Well, mostly.

But the tricky part is, Why? My heart is set on going 100% raw. I have read books, visited websites, taken classes, talked with people. When I eat raw, I feel great! I drop weight like nobody's business. I can breathe through my nose, my headaches go away, I feel beautiful and I don't hate myself. So, why is it that every time I try to go raw, I ruin it within a couple of days? The longest I've ever lasted is three weeks. And I can say that during those three weeks I felt better than ever. So why did I give it up? Why do I keep giving it up, for a couple of bites of dead, dry, salty comfort food? I've eaten all these things before. I know they are delicious, and bad for me. What I have not experienced, however, is continued self-love, respect, great health, and non-puffiness. I want to feel great so badly!

Today I made a plan. Yesterday I cleansed by only drinking green smoothies. I wasn't hungry, I didn't have any big cravings, and I woke up with a ton of energy. At work today I only had green smoothies. When I came home, my plan was to have a cup of miso and some kale salad. But as soon as I ate the miso soup, I think something clicked in my brain. If miso is okay, then hummus must be okay. They're both made of chickpeas, right? Then, I ate some refried beans. Because if hummus is okay, then refried beans must be okay, because chickpeas and pinto beans really aren't that different. Then after that I sampled chick patties, soy cheese and crackers, more beans, more hummus. Now I have a headache, I can't see very well, and I feel full and fat. I hate feeling full.

So, I have to figure out how NOT to flick that switch. It's just so difficult to do the right thing, all the time! And so much easier not to. But I think that in terms of feeling good, doing the right thing all the time needs to be a priority. I just have to figure out how to get there.

Food addiction is real. And it sucks. But if other people before me have overcome any type of addiction, then I can too, right?